Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Where do I go from here.....


At times in life, everything is up in the air. You know not what you want nor where you're going. Certainties disappear, it's just a long alien road ahead. 

For all the readers, the few that do read this blog regularly, apologies since I don't seem to have happy thoughts to share these days. That's not to say that I am unhappy....not at all. It's just that this particular phase of life seems to full of confusion with hardly any solution in sight. 

Life generally is full of ups n downs with no state of mind staying for long. They just come and go. Unfortunately, all the up times get lost in having fun and enjoying life and the only times we brood is when the going gets tough.

That brings me back to my state of mind right now which is most definitely down. Oops you guys can't help but notice that. I seem to be in a state of limbo right now which, let me tell you, is not a good place to be. Nothing makes any kind of sense coz I just don't know what's going on. There are multiple choices to make, various directions to travel and all I can do is stand still since I don't know where to go. 

Now generally I don't have a problem standing still till the road ahead becomes clearer but still at times one wonders, restless and upset, why it's taking so long to figure it out. Every path has so many positive and negative aspects. No path is clear.....how do I wade through the mire of negativity and walk.

I know it won't last, the path will open, taking me exactly where I'm supposed to go but that's no consolation right now. Coz the question that's driving me crazy right now is......where do i go from here.....???

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Unsettled

Unsettled.....when the mind is blank but still so full. Its not a great state of mind to be in. You know something is wrong but can't put a finger to it and carry on listlessly, mindless and unfocused.

I am not really unfamiliar with this feeling. Happens often. I don't know what causes it. Could be any one of the things which clutter my mind most days. But none that I can point to and say.....this is it!

Nothing holds my attention, no conversation, no activity.....absolutely nothing that I can focus on. Just this feeling of restlessness. I wander around, trying to figure it out but know it's pointless. All I can do is wait for it to pass coz as they say......tomorrow is another day :)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Yes We Can

India is buzzing right now. All thanks to Anna Hazare who's caught the imagination of the people of India, along with the changes he wants to make, to make India a better place.

Anna Hazare is a social activist who today, is walking the Gandhian path, to try and bring about a much needed change in our corrupt political system. He's fasting till death, if need be, to bring a change in a proposed bill which just might end corruption in India forever.

Now I am not someone who understands the fine print of all this political or social jargon. But I do understand that something big is unfolding here. People are up and ready to support his cause and seem to be speaking in the same voice for a change. They all want to see the change that he is talking about.

We Indians normally have a chalta hai attitude when it comes to moving our butt. We're mostly talk, with very little action, especially when it comes down to brass tacks. But for now people seem to be really tuned in to all that he is saying, wanting a change and ready to do whatever it takes to get it.

He's making the headlines, trending on all social networking sites, is the most important piece of news. He's got the whole country talking about it.....for now!

Being a skeptic though I wonder if we Indians can sustain this crusade. In just over 36 hours the IPL will start. Will we still be concerned? Or will this be a forgotten story? Only time will tell if indeed we have what it takes to say......Yes We Can!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Is Delhi Safe For Women?

Is Delhi safe for women is a question doing the rounds these day. News channels, newspapers, social networking sites, drawing room conversations. It's all over.

I am from Delhi, I am a woman and I think Delhi is as safe for women as any other place in India or around the world. Is there any one place in the world where you can say a woman is safe? I think not!

Now please don't think that I am saying it's safe.....that's not the point of this post. I'm just wanting to tell you how, being a woman, I decide what risks I take and what I don't in order to live my life.

For a woman, in India, there is no place 100% safe. There are loads of statistics of incest, rape in marriage, dowry deaths, harassment at work.....I could go on but you've got the picture. It all depends on what a man around you is thinking or feeling.

Being a woman, I'v had to take a conscious decision about what I do or not do in order to make myself feel safe. Yes I drive around late at night, yes I wear clothes which might be termed as "provocative", yes I party, and I do all that NOT because I think I'm safe.....I do it because I do not want to live my life in a restricted way.

Sure I get nervous, sure I feel like slapping a guy who looks at me the wrong way but what is the option? Cover myself, stay home, live a life which is "safe" and boring. I think not. Instead I put my faith in God, keep my eyes and ears open, be very very alert and try to live my life to the fullest. Because it's not about Delhi or Mumbai or Bangalore......it can happen anywhere because men in our country think brute force is the one and only weapon they have to dominate women and prove they're superior.

Disclaimer : My aim is not to offend any man who reads this post. I have a ton of really wonderful friends who are men, who are perfect gentlemen, who reinforce my faith in men and give me the courage to live life on my own terms :)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Saying It With Silence

As I was going through some old emails, I came across this and thought I'd share it on the blog. I don't remember the source but whoever wrote it said it beautifully. It's really long but worth a read. Enjoy :)


There was this very beautiful line that I read in Orhan Pamuk’s novel, ‘My Name Is Red’. He wrote about a blind man watching the snowfall and smiling to himself. That line stayed with me for a long, long time. How could a blind man watch the snow?

I pondered. I know that when the sight is taken away, the other senses become sharper. The blind man must have felt the cold air around him with the tiny snowflakes brushing his cheek; he must have caught a puffy, wet ball in his hand and had felt it melt in his palms. But did he hear the snow falling?

Somehow I believe that he actually listened to the snowfall, more than he felt it. He must have listened to the silence of the falling snow. He listened, because he was silent inside, in his own wonderful and special way.
Often silence makes people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to the noise and commotion of the world, but silence is all about coming home to ourselves.

When we sit in silence we relax and slip into an exquisite nothingness. We look within and drop our opinionated mind and learn to feel everything around us more deeply.

When the incessant chatter of the mind stops and we let the quietness around submerge us, something sacred is born within. Nietzsche said that our greatest experiences are our quietest moments.

Needless to say, it is only in silence that we are capable of listening. Like that blind man watching the snowfall and smiling to himself, we learn to listen more when we are silent.

Silence is the basic ingredient for entering into our intuitive mind and to resist the cacophony of meaningless noises outside.

It is interesting to note how Silent and Listen have same letters but are arranged differently.

We humans have a tendency to talk more and listen less; much of it is because we have forgotten the art of waiting and allowing ourselves to grow silent within.

Nature has no trouble in remembering this art. Nature thrives on silence. We never hear the footsteps of moon when it appears on the sky. We don’t hear a loud bang when the sun comes out and the stars burst open in the sky. Their arrival is always wrapped in a glorious silence. Look how the tree knows it! It remains bare, beautiful and still; waiting for the new leaves, knowing that the old has gone and the new will soon be coming. The tree waits in silence.

Just like tree, when we are silent and waiting, something beautiful inside us keeps on growing and it is this stillness and silence that gives birth to creativity.

Often it happens that when we wait in silence, life rushes back to fill those crevices in our souls. There are times when silence becomes the most potent way of communication and is more effective than words. We all have at least one memory when we have faced that eloquent silence of our elders such as parents or teachers when we have felt a cold fear at the bristling silence of their fury. When their silence had scared us more than angry words. When just one quiet look had had us behaving better than a harsh reprimand or scolding.

Lovers all over the world are said to communicate with silence. Understand each other’s silence. The famous telepathy between two people who have strong feelings for each other happens in a compelling silence.

In a business world the salesmen are taught the art of persuasive silence. After he has urged the potential client to buy some product and the customer is contemplating quietly over what the salesman has described, the well trained salesman remains absolutely silent during this important hiatus. Often he gains his sale by using this important tool.

Undeniably, silence needs a special kind of power and authority of mind and saying it with silence needs a certain ‘command of language’. To say nothing is often more difficult than expressing the anger, love and betrayal with words.

However, being silent with a natural and calm stillness within is like a spiritual reflex. Analyze it too much or think too much about it and it degenerates itself into something superficial and edgy. If we become self-conscious about silence then we begin to work against it. We rush to fill it with inane talks and nervous gestures, and the silence loses its value.

But we can certainly develop this powerful way of communicating by practicing a calm mind. By realizing that between stimulus and response, there is a space and in that space is our power to choose our response because in our response lies our growth and our freedom. That “space” is silence.

The French mathematician Blaise Pascal said “All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.”

As these beautiful lyrics of the song ‘Sounds of silence’ by Simon and Garfunkel say:


“People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Hear my words that I might teach you;
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence.”

Each time when I feel that I just cannot take another step forward in life, I seek refuge in silence. And sure enough I get recharged with fresh dose of faith, hope and confidence. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

The Generation Divide

I've recently been thinking a lot about the generation divide that exists between parents and children. You can trace it back to history and am sure going into the future, it will continue for generations to come.

Parents know what's best for you or think they do. Children struggling to be free, relishing their newly acquired freedom. Endless struggle which carries on till they themselves become parents and then go right ahead and repeat all that they found frustrating about their parents. With every generation situations change, issues change but what remains unchanged is the fight....control verses freedom. On and on and on.

Growing up, my sister and I've had endless fights with the family over the amount of control and say they could have over our lives. Even today, though am all grown up, Mom and I are constantly at loggerheads. Most times I have trouble getting her take on things which restrict my life and these days, that's when my sister steps in. She's mother to a 5 year old and has now started understanding Mom's point of view, to the extent of advocating it to me. I see the signs of the next generation tug of war in the making, as her son grows older. The same issues of freedom verses control even though she is more modern in her outlook than Mom.

In a country like India where the core values are still conservative, the protective instinct very strong, I don't really see this divide between generations ending anytime soon......rather it's a vicious circle!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My One Minute Of Fame

I would not call  myself a narcissist but at times the streak surfaces and takes over. This is one such moment and I am dying to tell you all about my one minute of fame.

The Times Of India is running a campaign called A Day in the Life of India where they've invited all Indians to participate by giving their take on India in the form of a photo, video, cartoon or joke and anecdotes. The chosen entries are published on their website and the best ones are published in their newspaper.

A friend sent me a link to their website telling me to submit something from the hundreds of "rubbish" photos that I have. So I thought why not and submitted a couple of photos that I had taken in one of the categories.

And guess what? One of my photos actually got picked up and published on their website. OMG I was so thrilled walking on cloud nine the whole day. People who've read the earlier entries of this blog will be familiar with that photo since I wrote a post on it called This Happens Only In India

So please forgive my tiny streak of narcissism and check out My One Minute Of Fame where ahem ahem (collar up) I got published.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Question Without An Answer

There are questions and there are answers but at times there are questions which really have no answers. You can go round and round and round and you still come up with naught.

It's just a random thought so please don't go into a tizzy thinking I have some unanswered question in life. But I'm just thinking or rather writing aloud as to why certain questions get you no answers, mainly in the way people react and behave.

You meet someone and he/she seem really nice. All is well and hunky dory and suddenly you see a side which leaves you totally stumped. You're left wondering what you missed the whole time you thought you knew him/her. It seems so alien and no matter how much you dissect your knowledge of that particular person you generally never figure it out.

I've seen it with friends, friends of friends. I've spent countless hours questioning or listening to someone question this strange phenomenon. And after all the bheja fry you eventually end up saying to yourself......this question has no answer.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Yipeeeee...

Bigg Boss (Season 4) is a reality TV show which ended with a grand finale tonight. And I am slightly embarrassed to confess that I watched it with great enthusiasm. For myself and the people who know me, it's a bit of a shock since I don't really watch a lot of TV and never these crappy reality shows.

This time though, God decided to make a laughing stock out of me in front of all my friends by hooking me on to the show midway. Yes that's right......the first time I ever saw it was when Pamela Anderson made her grand entry into the Bigg Boss house. There was so much hullabaloo all around that I had no choice but to tune in to see what the fuss was all about. And I was hooked. Badly.

That's not to say that I watched each and every episode since then......but I watched it enough times to keep a track on what's going on. Not only that.........am really embarrassed now..........I even voted for the wining contestant much to horror of everyone who knows me. And I am thrilled that she won. Yipeeeee...

PS : Salman Khan was yummy too :P